omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
