How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
