Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
barbara walters just said penis...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize