I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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