Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
