took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
