Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I touched a dick in church today
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
