So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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