I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
