If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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