i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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