I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
