Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
