Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize