I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
