do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
