Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
