Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
