I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
