Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
More tranny stories later!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Boobs speak an international language.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
