I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize