After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
