end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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