I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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