She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
