I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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