I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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