I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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