yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
