party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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