the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
