I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
