just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
