Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
