I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
