I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
