No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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