I think im going to throw up on grandma
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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