I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
