I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
