whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
