Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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