Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
