Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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