I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
