I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's shark week go big or go home
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
