a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
