You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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