I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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