guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize