but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
