don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
