Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
