nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She announced her abortion via fbk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
