I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
