No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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