We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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