Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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