The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
