I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
