I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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