i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize