I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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