At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
