i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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