so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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