at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize