At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize