ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
