Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
