Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
