You're my little dorito
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
