You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize