Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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