you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
