i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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