Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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