5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They took my balls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
