Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
