Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
