I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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