I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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