Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
