dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
