So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
