You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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