you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You need Xanax blowdarts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
