Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
