I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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