In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize