all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
