Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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