my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
