I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize