bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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