we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
