How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
